So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
