woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's get the cat blown out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
