Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
