Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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