My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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