yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
