Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm both gender and math confused
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
