Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
