my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
