am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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