My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
