She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
