Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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