I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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