i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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