This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
