Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
