Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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