the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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