I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
