just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
