my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
