I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she looked like the before picture.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
