Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
