whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
