I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
last night I used snow as a chaser
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
