somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
