Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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