Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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