I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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