I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
