8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
