you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
