This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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