She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
