so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
