Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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