If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is my gift to your gina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
