oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
