I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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