I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
