we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
