that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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