honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
