Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
