With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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