Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
