So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
