Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
