Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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