I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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