I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
