the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
