First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
