So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
