so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
