Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
